Can I have my comfort zone back?
3 September 2009
Yesterday I was a guest speaker for the Johnson County Regional Prevention Center Youth Leadership Conference. They asked me to speak for 10 or so minutes about … well, kinda whatever I wanted. They thought my story of publication—that I started sending in manuscripts to publishing houses at 17—my age, and the topic of my book would be very applicable to what they do. When I agreed to it, all I saw was a wonderful opportunity to hang out with teenagers and get some publicity. It wasn’t until later that it occurred to me that 1. 200 teens qualifies as a crowd. I’m not a big fan of speaking in front of crowds. 2. I haven’t written, memorized, and delivered a speech since my senior year of high school. In which I preformed it for the 7 girls in my class. 3. I could really screw this up.
Something that’s started to bug me about Christian fiction (and yes, this does tie in!) is when a character is facing something challenging/scary, after they pray about it or realize it’s part of God’s plan, they feel a sense of peace wash over them. This certainly happens, but it doesn’t always happen. In the last month, as I’ve dwelled on the three things above (1. 200=lots of kids, 2. I have zero experience. 3. I could really screw this up) I’ve wrestled with bouts of nerves. Even though I prayed A LOT. Even though I knew God created this opportunity for me.
Tuesday night, I took my Bible and The Signature of Jesus up to my room for an extra quiet time before bed. I prayed for a long time and joked to God, “Is this why you keep creating these kinds of events for me? Because I always talk to you more?” As the words left my mouth, it occurred to me that all this—the speaking gigs, the television time—is really an answer to prayer. Not about promoting Me, Just Different but about increasing in faith, something I’ve been asking for these last couple months. My faith won’t grow a whole lot while I’m in my comfort zone—behind my computer, working with my characters, and doing blog interviews where I just write out responses to the questions. My faith grows most when I’m being stretched. When I find myself in a situation where I need more than I have—more confidence, more poise, more talent.
So while I can’t say I knocked ’em dead yesterday at the conference, I do feel like I gave 100% of what I could, and that now it’s about trusting God to take care of the rest.
Fabulous insight, Stephanie!
Posted by Roseanna White on 3 September 2009