I'm trying to be mature, but I really don't like change
18 October 2009
I don’t often blog on Sunday. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever blogged on Sunday. But tomorrow morning I’ll be getting up bright and early for a school visit and don’t think I’ll be able to squeeze in a post before I go. It’s not the getting up early part that’s hard, it’s having to be showered and out the door by 8. McKenna and I are often in our jammies until 10 or so. It’s a good gig.
So it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m often napping at this hour. Instead today I’m thinking about my friend Debbie. For over a year now, we’ve been meeting once a week for coffee. The original plan was to meet for an hour and talk about our week and how we can pray for each other. Instead, one of us will notice a Starbucks employee sweeping the floors and go, “Oh? What time is it?” only to discover we’ve been talking for nearly two hours.
Debbie and her husband are moving to South Africa. I’ve been denying this fairly well, but this week her husband heads over to start his new job, which means it’ll only be a couple weeks until Debbie leaves as well. It’s time to admit to myself that our friendship is about to change.
I’ve moved a lot. We lived in Orlando for two-and-a-half years, and that was the longest I’d lived in one spot since eighth grade. (Most those moves were around the Kansas City area.) I’ve said a lot of goodbyes, but I’ve rarely been the person staying behind. Usually I’m the one embarking on the new adventure. I actually haven’t been on this side – the left behind side – since one of my best friends moved in middle school. Both sides suck, it’s never easy to say goodbye to people you love, but I think you notice the void more when you’re the one staying.
I’ve been thinking about all this because this week begins “the lasts.” The last book club meeting Debbie will be at. We have a couple more coffee nights ahead of us, and I’ll still see her smiling face at church for the next few Sundays, but after that things will change. As a writer, I can always console myself with, “I can use this in a book.” (This is how I survive extremely boring conversations.) The other thing I comfort myself with is something Debbie has often said to me: “I like change. It means I’m still alive.”
I’m feeling very alive.
Hope everyone has a wonderful start to their week. Talk to you all on Tuesday.
Comments
Well, here is the lurker, actually posting a comment.
First, you gave up a Sunday afternoon nap – that’s sacrificial friendship in my book! Second, you’ve reminded me that even in the midst of all of the preparations I have managed to be in denial as well. And now here it is – Paul is packed and leaving for SA tomorrow. (And in two weeks I’ll put my big girl panties on and do the same thing!)
Third, I think being the one who stays is harder. Paul and I are both first-born, so we were the ones who left the nest, went to college, got married, moved away (well we’ve done the moving thing several times now – I have a college roommate who won’t quite forgive me for what I did to her address book – hopefully by now it’s an electronic one). Now, for me part of what makes it easier is all of the activity in preparing – gives me something to “do” – all of the lists and tasks and schedules definitely fit well with my personality, so I fall into the now well-worn groove of getting ready to move. Being the one who stays means you do a lot of watching and waiting – and because you’re such a great friend, you’ve also done a lot of listening, praying, and encouraging and offering to help. I am so grateful, even though it means you have the harder part.
Fourth,“the lasts” are definitely here so there is no more denying reality. And reality is, I am excited and running toward this new adventure and eager to discover all God has for us, while at the same time my heart is breaking as I wonder how in the world I can leave all these blessings behind – the incredible family and friends that I love so dearly. My days are a mixture of these thoughts.
Lastly, your friendship brings me much joy. In the sharing of our lives this past year I have found acceptance and grace to be myself, challenges to continue to grow, and much laughter. Oh, the laughter! All of this to say our friendship gives me the strength and courage to make this change and be very much alive.
I love you, friend.
Posted by Debbie McCool on 19 October 2009
:( Goodbye is always hardest on the one staying behind.
Thankfully in the days of email and IM, you can keep in touch with Debbie.
Hope your school visit went well!
Posted by Erica Vetsch on 19 October 2009